Walking In Someone Else’s Shoes – The Superman T-Shirt Theory

We are often told that one of the easiest methods to develop empathy is to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. I understand it in theory but to what extent can you do the “walk”? Let’s check that and also discuss how I made up The Superman T-shirt Theory.

The Theory

I am a logical and minimalistic clothes shopper. Very rarely I see clothes and buy them because they’re pretty. I usually shop when I need them, and I don’t need them often because I love my old clothes and rarely ever throw them (also, this.) My most favorite night t-shirt is 12+ years old. My sister bought it, used it, and then lent it to me (or I might have stolen it). I have bought many nightshirts since then but nothing feels as comforting as that 12-year-old t-shirt.

One such favorite t-shirt of mine is this really old Superman t-shirt, which is also my sister’s (you got the gist. I mostly thrived on her closet). During the pandemic, when I was stranded in India at my parents’, I used to wear it almost every other day. If it was washed and ready, I would wear it. I am not even a Superman fan. I just love that t-shirt.

My mother? Not so much.

Every time I would appear in the living room wearing it, she would frown, flash her “not again” and “just throw this away, already” face, and would ask me to wear something else. This same process goes for most of my clothes. I grin at her most times, but it was the year 2020, so naturally, she got on my nerves.

I sat one day to wonder why she reacts in that manner. It’s how I came up with the “The Superman T-shirt Theory”. Calling it a theory doesn’t make any sense, but I like calling it that because it sounds dope.

Hypothesis

When I wear that Superman t-shirt, I am experiencing:

Comfort

Nostalgia

Familiarity

Self-expression

My mother, on the other hand, has a different mental reaction. She was born in poverty, and then was raised in a humble household. She often shared stories about how she grew up wearing her brother’s shirts and her sister’s skirts. Buying new clothes was a luxury. So my t-shirt, unintentionally, reminds her of living in poverty. They remind her of meagerness and inadequacy. My ragged clothes irk her because she relates it to the time when wishing for clothes just because she wanted them wasn’t a knee-jerk reaction. When she sees me in that t-shirt, it somehow invalidates her lived experience. It bothers her because unlike her, I have the privilege to buy new clothes, but I, her daughter whom she loves, still choose to live in a state that was not pleasant for her.

Secondly, as she grew older, her financial situation improved. So the ability to buy and wear nicer, newer clothes was a sign of progress to her. Hence, when she sees me in that t-shirt, she also subconsciously thinks I lack progress.

The Discovery

Interesting, isn’t it? At the surface level, it might seem like a generational gap issue, but it’s not just that. At its roots, it’s a powerplay that my mom’s experiences play on her outlook and opinions.

Just by reflecting on my mom’s conundrum, I am already walking in her shoes, according to its definition. And that should eventually help me to empathize with her frustration. But is it possible to do it every time in its truest form? I doubt that. This I think is the extent, the Superman T-shirt Theory. This is as far as I can go. What about her experiences I am not aware of? What of a situation where my emotions or reasoning cancels my ability to reflect in this manner? What when her experience is so foreign to me, my feet don’t even fit in her shoes?

Before we step into someone else’s shoes, we need information and data on all of their lived experiences, and that’s not possible. Just imagining ourselves in someone’s situation isn’t enough. It’s not even practical. Our brain is so immensely complex and we are so immensely different from each other in processing information, that we can never perceive something exactly like the next person.

Maybe to form empathy, we just have to strive to be inherently nice and kind. Maybe we don’t need to step into someone else’s shoes but just walk beside them.